Messed up...

With my friends & buddies now right here in UTAR, Kampar...yet I still feel sort of lonely...seriously..this aint a joke....maybe its bcuz there are no memories to hold me to my home. My family is what one can call as peaceful...an outsiders view of my family says that we hv such a nice family...but reality...is far from what it may appear to be... In earlier posts...i have revealed much about my family...though based on my point of view...i am fair in what i say..no over exaggerations....

I now ask: "How can a person wif no good memories of being at home with his/her family be able to miss home or get homesick....?" Its impossible....to have nth to to hold u back and miss home...its something really lonely i think.... How a person may appear in public, with friends and enemies... does not really reflect to how that person really feels deep down inside....

A person like this...can only hope to find peace among his friends...buddies...heng dais.... If friends are scrace... Nth is left for him.... wandering along daily...just living for the sake of living...no meaning.... No memories to brag abt...I hear ppl saying.."oo...i did dat with my family too" ; "yeah..it was fun esp with my family"... I cant say those things sincerly...i lie or maybe just exagerate on what really did happen on that occasion, which other may brag abt...

Impossible for one with nth but sad memories of home to be homesick or miss home.... A lonely shell, cast upon the world... Who da heck will miss arguing with parents or siblings?!? I tried my best to make some memories b4 i came back to kampar, during dat cny break...but it was a disaster...nt only did i not manage to make any good memories... further more, i think my relationship with my dad and brother may have just got worse...

I'm only home for a week and my bro has to show attitude for the whole week i'm home...dad and aunt..both stubborn idiots...i do things my way..nt theirs..little error shout n scream and scold...heck dat aint memories i want!!!! Its been a rather unhappy week for me...CNY is suppose to be fun and games...for me it was like a living hell...My aunt would nt let me leave the gambling table till i lost everything i had...

Haiz.... So far I dont know anyone yet who like me do not feel homesick or have good enough memories to long for home....

thats abt it for now...need rest...hate morning classes...last minute tell us gt class... fucking idiots man UTAR...within 3 days can change timetable 3 times... mana ada so sohai geh uni...cheap is one positive point...but WTF!!! anyway...gd nite...feeling darn messed up...