...>>> new Year and i aint in a good shape<<<...

The start of a new year...and i'm still stuck...nth i want to write yet... but maybe later....

The past year lods lot of what cant let me be....

The past i want to leave behind yet it clings to me even more tightly evry time i want to shake lose...

Looks like i still am not suited for life alone...i aint no hermit.... even after being single for the past erm 5 months i think.... i cant live alone....

Its odd not having to care for someone i love...and that someone loves me in return....i'd want to care, worry, miss that person...its she who makes me want to live life the way it can be...

Being single is a pain for me...its made me very irrational, very easily irritated, ah yes, and my temper isn't any better....if not got any worse...

well i think i might have re-opened my depressed file again...by accident.... well seemingly it was closed after i've been dating(diff partners[2ppl by the way]-seperately... through a 3 years 7 months period..)...i've gt used to having the company of a companion....its cuz of that minor depression back then, dat i really began to counsel other regarding same issues i've been through... Though its a minor depression and bring no harm to my mental and body, well its not what i want to stay in, this state, for long periods of time....

After my latest seperation...which happend like at the end of sem2..it was a dream..one where i trully loved like before... the 2 relationships that had the greatest effect / impression on me was when i was dating with Alisha(1st real gf - nt real name cuz she not 18 yet) and after her, little Agnes...

After agnes, well i think i'm still in pieces...though emotion part has healed...my life is as it was 4 years ago...b4 i started dating....people might say that family is more important than friends...as in earlier post i have disagreed with this statement... I prefer my buddies, friends and partner...

I hold no happy memories for me to bring to kampar to miss having...even da simple dish of pork meat with tomato sos dat i liked my mum had to add weird veges into it..after eating it, i feel rather quesy right now... everytime the whole family agrees dat the dish is nicw, she has to go and add something else to it...sheesh! cant she keep it right? when i voice my oppinion, my dad shit me out, my bro sides with him, and my mum puts on a face as black as a night sky...

no great memories..besides those of me with my friends... I guess what i'll miss will be my heng dai, lim and terk, sisters and all my other friends... oh and a few cousins XP.....

Home sweet home will always be the place to be.....my ass. Maybe after i have my own family, then home will b the place i would like to reside in with the people i love^^

being freaking irritable right now...when dinner wasnt ready at the usual time i ter-flared up...was oledi in a bad mood today anyways...haiz...

Its crazy to know that i cant cope with being single... But i cant force love...so i'll just live with it for now till i meet that someone special again....who will turn my life the right way up again^^

Happy New Year to all

Kampar here i come!!!!

after my driving test on thursday though...

PS : my results arent really nice this sem but at least i passed everything..^^